“Do I really matter to you?” –The Question Most People Want to Ask

“Do I really matter to you?” –The Question Most People Want to Ask

Thoughts linger in my mind. They replay over and over with a mix of clarity and static as I try to tune in to the exact frequency coming through the mental air-waves.

How do you know if you really matter to someone? How do you know if someone really matters …to you?

I read one way to define matter is “the main part of anything …substance …importance …a thing to be attended to.” Instead of, “Do I matter to you?” — one could just as easily be asking, “Am I important to you? … worth being attended to? …a main part of anything in your life?”

Carrying more weight is another telling definition relating matter to amount — how much something counts.

When priorities are numbered in order of importance, there must be a some mental math that goes on to determine who gets counted in that list.

Yet in all the best laid plans, actions seem to document the reality and speak louder than words on paper to reveal what really …matters.

What makes you feel like you matter to someone else? Time spent together? Gifts? Words of affirmation? Affection? Regular phone calls to keep in touch? Being present at significant life events? Celebrating accomplishments together? Knowing someone will always be there for you in happy times …and sad. Being loved through it all no matter what.

Each of us have our own emotional list going on whether we realize it or not. Whatever the list, what matters to you is what truly matters. What’s surprising to most is that not everybody’s list looks the same. Therein lies the problem that often trips our mentally calculated circuit breaker.

Is there a formula that when inserted will always give the right answer? Maybe. Maybe not.

What seems to be the common denominator for most is time spent together. Focused time. Intentional time. Lay-aside-other-things -and-make- room -for -you time. Making a choice to be with over not showing up.

Time is one of those precious gifts we all receive that comes with an added opportunity and responsibility of how to spend it.

For most people, time will tell the truth. If it matters, you’ll make time for it. If it doesn’t–you won’t. In a world of busy, time stands still for what we really love and there is almost always a return on time invested in others.

Maybe it starts with your own self- evaluation. What matters to you? Who matters to you? What are you doing to invest in those passions and relationships?

Next, maybe a simple question to start a conversation with those who matter most…”What makes you feel like you matter to someone else?” And being okay if their list looks different.

Relationships matter and your investment might just determine what matters to you.

Thanks for listening …

Joy Waters Martin

My kids tease me sometimes that my definition of a situation going well is often described as, "It was 'life-giving' " -- meaning, it may have had some conflicts or uneasy moments or stress but all in all , something about it breathed life into the situation and the people involved...something of the heart was moved in a good direction. I'm all about LIFE ... life with my husband, life with 4 adult children, their spouses and 8 grandchildren (to date, that is :), life in our home and life in a wild adventure we tend to label "ministry". In reality , all of these categories mesh together to make up the "organic me". Relational , redeeming and restoring are some of my favorite words and they give life to my soul as I walk it all out with Jesus Christ, the Giver of all life. Profile Photo by: Melody Martin

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