It all started so innocently.  My husband and I volunteered to help out in our children’s ministry at our new church — you know, get to know the kids and their parents and feel like you’re contributing to the sanity break that all teachers of children need from time to time!  I used to work with children’s ministry so this   used to be my thing — the thing I was good at — but this particular Sunday I felt a bit “off” …not on my game.  Trying to engage in conversation and connection with the kids, I asked a simple question …just trying to get more in “Sunday School teacher mode” .  After all, I was the “teacher” and wasn’t it up to me to share some encouraging  truth with the kids that would just change their life forever? — the thing you hear stories about when those little kids turn 30 …”I remember the day when my teacher at church told me _________ and I’m who I am today because of that one comment.”  Pressure’s on… say that perfect  thing !

It was a group of 4 and 5 year olds.  We were watching one little boy build a rocket with his Lego set during opening “chat” time.  Here was the opportunity to connect with these kids — talk about the Space and Rocket Center !!  We live Huntsville, for Pete’s sake !  This is perfect !  We had even  taken our kids there when they were little.  I can connect with them on this one .  I ask a little 5 year old girl the “connecting” question …

“Hey! Have you ever been to the Space and Rocket Center?”

Her happy-little-innocent-face suddenly looked very distraught … uneasy actually– as if a cloud had descended right over her.

“No,” she said.  And in a quieter, almost embarrassed tone —  “I’m afraid of BIG things!”

Me, being the comforter and encourager that I am, replied …

“Oh that’s okay!  I’m afraid of things sometimes too!  ”

Her little face perked up a bit and I thought,  “What a great connection I’ve made. She’s now feeling much better about herself and knows that she’s not alone in the world of being afraid of things.”  Then she returned with a question in my direction …

“What are YOU afraid of?”

Whhhaat??  Uhhh … I glance over at my husband who gives me that knowing look that says — “Aha…  we all know that’s a loaded question.  Are you going to tell her?  ”

I can tell her the obvious things I’m afraid of — snakes, spiders, some loud noises — but do I tell her the real things I’m afraid of?  Things like …

–almost every time I see a funny place on my skin I’m certain I have skin cancer that will surely end in death or …

–being  afraid to back up in my van because I don’t want to run over anybody or hit anything and at one point this fear paralyzed me to the point of driving all the way back to an area just to “make sure” I hadn’t run over anybody!!! or …

–fear that I won’t cook meat thoroughly enough and I’ll make all those eating with us deathly ill with intestinal sickness that will surely end in death!  or…

–fear that the store clerk somehow didn’t charge me enough and if I don’t go make it right, I’ll somehow end up in jail and never see my family again! or …

–fear that rust on anything will most certainly cause lockjaw for all who come in contact with it and somehow it will be my fault.  or…

— trying to keep everyone around me safe at all times  …this responsibility resting solely on my little 18 inches of shoulder space –and, yes, I measured! because …

— I have a  huge fear of  messing up …failing in my efforts to try to do everything right — right by God and the law of the land !!!

Oh I could go on but do I really want to  tell this little girl all of that and give her more things to worry about than she even knew existed  — or wanted to know existed?

“I’m afraid of snakes,” I tell her!  I went with one of the obvious ones so as not to overwhelm her with too much “mature” thinking too soon.  It was the safe answer for me and one that seemed to brighten her face knowing that I , too, was afraid of something just like she was.  Whew!  All was well with the world!

But how could such an innocent question jab me right in the heart ?  Why did I almost lose my breath for a minute in trying to decide how to even respond?

Maybe I’m embarrassed too.  Maybe I hang my head in shame a little when faced with an open confession of the things that make me afraid, anxious, worried.  Hey, I’ve   just experienced a lot of  major transitions in my life not the least of which has been a transition of hormones trying to go from  “meno” to “pause” , if you know what I mean!!!  I have every right to be anxious when everything around me is out of control, right !!??

The truth is, I do get anxious and I’m still afraid of things.  I couldn’t look this little girl in the eyes and say, “It’ll be okay, honey!  When you grow up you won’t be afraid of things anymore. ”   I didn’t have any pat answer to give her to take all of those fears away but I could tell her that I’m afraid sometimes too and at least let her know she wasn’t alone in that battle.  And isn’t that one of the things that encourages us the most — just the knowing that someone else understands and has felt what you’ve felt in some way?

It’s part of my story and one I’m frankly not really thrilled about but somehow in the bigger picture of my story, it has intersected with probably hundreds of other people and their stories as they press through and battle it out with anxiety.  We make up a part of the whole and we carry each other along — encouraging each other to take another step forward and face that fear and choose life today–or this minute– instead of dread and torment.

I scrawled this verse out on scrap paper one day and left it on my dresser for about a year …

“There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear …”