I hate backing up! I fear backing up! I’ve backed into a few
things cars in my day and that, along with some kind of fear of many things (I think there’s another word for that but I fear saying it 🙂 ) has caused me to do a little walk around “looksie” before I have to back out of a space from a parking lot or driveway.
I fantasize about having one of those back-up cameras installed in my car like my sister-in-law has but sadly, I wonder if I would trust the “screen” and still need to see the situation first hand …with my own eyes !
But here’s the thing… many times you can’t go forward until you back up!
Each year is almost like pulling into a new driveway …a new place to live. Last year’s home was called 2013 and in that house life took place — each room holding memories with rockers on the front porch begging to tell the stories.
I’m a little late (3 weeks into January , 2014) but I’m backing up …backing out of the driveway at 2013. There are life-events and life lessons … losses and gains and scenes to view before making the full forward movement into 2014. Going in reverse will remind me of the joys and celebrations but it might also cause me to bump into those same things that wrecked me last year and make me wonder if I’ll ever figure out how to get that right. It might bring on deep sadness over losses …or embarrassment over responses and attitudes– but it’s good …
It’s good to remember.
Remembering 2013 …
Dreams of being able to personally sell our former home to provide income for us on our new journey turned into an unwanted wake-up call. We gave back what ultimately didn’t belong to us anyway. Financial situations didn’t turn out like we had hoped or planned…bankruptcy. And right in the middle of the mess– this rupture of the bank account — a car whose license plate read, “ON TIME” literally pulled right in front of us on the way to sign the papers …and God spoke ! His answers are coming and it will be on time — His time –and in His way…just different than the view I planned to have.
The biggest celebration of the century …
My Mom’s 90th birthday party ! As many family members gathered and honored my mom and the influence she has had on their lives, we found more grace ! Each one gave a rose as they shared a story of the fragrance she’s left in their lives …and the room could hardly contain it all. We celebrated in a quaint cafe right on the town square in a little southern town in South Carolina where she was born and raised. She would later come back to this town and raise 7 children of her own and minister as a pastor’s wife for over 40 years. It was all coming full circle and I see Jesus in her now more than ever !
Later, we would travel from the deep south back up to Connecticut because…
It’s hard to put into words the feelings you have as memories flash back of their
entire childhood and settle into this moment in time. I didn’t get mothering all right. I blew it
many times. But I look at her …and she’s beautiful and God has given grace beyond my ability
to raise this child. He must have looked on and said, “It is good !” And I watch as my husband
(the “joining” minister ) talks quietly to his “little girl” before she ties the knot and there’s a
knot in my throat and I hold on as I let go…
July would also bring a reality check of life’s vulnerability …an unexpected stop. I had a nodule growing on my thyroid . Needle biopsies would bring news of suspected cancer and a journey quickly began which ended in surgery to completely remove the thyroid– nodules and all. Cancer confirmed. Cancer removed. God had promised He had already taken care of this but anxiety began to creep in and start a growth of its own. God began to wake me with “songs of deliverance” and after going all the way to the brink , He wrote on the wall just outside the cancer doctor’s office with words of peace…
As memory lane continues, I stopped at the Joyful Christian Ministries Ladies Retreat and we celebrated the impact my mother-in-law, Joy Rice Martin, and her sisters continue to have as they encourage women to walk with Jesus in every area of their lives. They’ve been doing this for 30 years and are probably more passionate than ever before to keep sharing the hope and healing and good news of Jesus Christ ! These. Women. Are. Amazing !
You can learn more about their ministry and follow them @ joyfulchristianministries.org
There were birthdays that turned numbers to …2, 3, 4 , 19, 23, 26, 28, and uhhh…52 🙂 but who’s counting, right!!??
As I went back in 2013, I don’t remember a word that started the year off but I do remember a word that ended it all up …a phrase that God clearly gave while going through thyroid cancer and the unknowns … All is well !
As I begin to drive forward to the driveway marked 2014, I pause to look in the rear-view mirror at 2013 and with a thankful heart I can still say… “all is well” !
And the words of this verse keep unfolding into 2014 …
The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.
Psalm 119:130 (NIV)
Would you pray for me this year …pray that as I write words here, I’ll make much of Jesus and God will use this space to bring His light to many !